Wednesday, March 28, 2012

25 Best Insults

You know those situations where you're engaged in a conversation, and someone gets the better of you? Then hours later the best one-liner ever in the history of freaking existence comes to you? Those situations suck, so here are my favourite generic insults, comebacks, and one-liners for you to memorize and toss around when you get stuck.

1. Thank you for your insight. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. (The more sarcasm in your tone of voice, the better)

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

4. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I am really quite busy. (Great for use in the workplace!)

5. I like you, you remind me of myself, when I was young and really stupid.

6. Are your parents siblings?

7. Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?

8. You are the product of 4 billion years of evolution, now fucking act like it.

9. If opposites attract then I hope you meet someone who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured. 

10. The fact that no one understands you does not mean that you are an artist.

11. Arguing with you is like playing chess against a pigeon; no matter how good I am at chess, the pigeon will knock over the pieces, shit all over the board, and then stomp around victoriously without a fucking clue. (This one is guaranteed to give you the upper hand in a debate)

12. If I agreed with you then we'd both be wrong.

13. People like you remind me of the benefits of abortion.

14. I see that you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

15. So did your mother's abortion. (To be used when someone uses the massively overdone "Ha, you failed" insult)

16. What does it say about your family's genes if you were the one sperm who made it?

17. You'll never be half the man that your mother was. (May have to dodge a punch after using this one)

18. The fact that you're still alive strongly refutes Darwinism.

19. Would you like contact information for an excavating company, so as to have that massive Sand Castle removed from your vagina? (Works great on bitchy men)

20. Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you had enough oxygen at birth?

21. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

22. Do you want people to accept you for who you are, or would you prefer having friends?

23. I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I just can't seem to get my head that far up my own ass.

(Sometimes simple and nonsensical is best, as demonstrated by the following)

24. How about you go suck a bag of dicks! 

And finally...

25. I'll try being nicer if you start being smarter.

I would love to expand this list, please leave your favourite insults and one-liners below in the comments section.

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Tuesday, March 27, 2012

The Best Protest Signs of All Time

Round up of some of the best protest signs of all time:

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Monday, March 19, 2012

Quick Defense of Gamers and Gaming Culture

Video-game culture is massive in scope, yet still massively misunderstood. It's diverse, inclusive, even economically sensible, but despite this, Gamers are still bullied for their chosen hobby. It's time to admit that picking on people who play video games has no justifiable grounds. Let's recognize this stereotype for what it is, stupid; and then let's mock and laugh at it in order to deteriorate it's potency until gaming is no longer socially unacceptable. Gamers come from all social groups and are just like everyone else. Que the Mario Kart joke:

If you don't 'get' this picture, then you can GTFO right now.

Too often are Gamers viewed as immature, or somehow lacking a quality that everyone else has. If that quality is slapping asses in the showers after a hockey game, or treating people like crap because they can't do something we can do, then yes, we are lacking certain "qualities". Where maturity is concerned, by which standard are Gamers being measured, and whom is enacting this standard? You think that playing video games is immature? Oh, maybe we should watch Jersey Shore like everyone else, would that be better?

I'll take even the crappiest video game over this crew of douche bags, any day.

The most redundant, yet popular dig that is made towards Gamers comes in the form of: "why don't you make some friends?" Or, "I'd rather hang out with friends, video-gaming is too anti-social". People talk as if being a gamer is synonymous with being a loner, or a loser. These points are not valid. Gaming is very social, and in some cases, it's the best access to socialization that people have. It can be taken too far; as seen with severe cases of addiction. But that's the case with anything, isn't it? Moderation is always key.

Gaming is often thought of as dangerous; as if the demeaning comments and ignorant vulgarities lobbed towards Gamers are somehow appropriate or justified. If you mention you play video games in certain social environments (just about anywhere), you better expect to be mocked and ridiculed. It's because politicians and activists (mostly ignorant suburban moms) have labelled video games as violent and pornographic. They say that games that feature violence will make people who play them violent. Which is of course the same as claiming that hanging around tall people will make you taller. It's sensationalist bullshit, total white-noise. Video games are art. Indeed, some of the world's greatest artists are graphic designers. But like any art-form, there are those too shallow to appreciate it's beauty and depth so they attempt to bring everyone to their level by doing the only thing they know how to do; by censoring the hell out of it.

Boom, roasted.

I'd challenge anyone who thinks that playing video games is anti-social to look up the top five most successful games of all time, and then try to defend their point-of-view. They wouldn't be able to, because aside from WiiFit (which is a game designed to teach proper exercise routines and techniques in a fun, engaging manner), the other four top-selling-games are multiplayer-focused games. What is anti-social about getting online with your friends and spending a few hours conversing while doing something you all enjoy, together? Feel free to be a drone to your mindless 'Reality' TV, I'll engage in exercising my hand-eye coordination and practicing my critical thinking skills.

With technological advances making gaming more accessible than ever, it can be argued that gaming, specifically multiplayer gaming, has become a safe-haven for people who are picked on outside and at school. Not to say that there aren't bullies and dicks who play games online (ask any Gamer why they auto-mute everyone except their friends the instant they join a Call of Duty lobby and you'll understand what I mean), or that every gamer is someone who games due to bullying or social awkwardness. But it is safe to say that for the ones who do get bullied, the "geeks" and "nerds", or the ones who don't quite 'fit in' (AKA the people who will occupy the best and brightest of academia years down the road), they will always have a place in an online community. I was 16 before a PC gave me access to online gaming; and it didn't negatively impact my social life, inversely, it uplifted it. What everyone opposed to video games fails to grasp is that it creates a welcoming environment for everyone; even the worst Gamers will find other not-so-good Gamers to play with. The beauty of it all is that while Gamers will be chirped and picked on when they fail at sports events, sports players would be welcomed in a game with open arms (figuratively, of course). Internet gaming is the place where you'll never be picked last to play on a team again.

There's no reason for this picture to be here, I just thought it was clever and wanted to share it.

Video game culture is just like any other massive and diverse group of individuals; it is what you make of it. Violent video games do not make people violent anymore than playing Grand Theft Auto makes me want to steal cars and use prostitutes (I've wanted to do that long before I knew of those games). Tongue-in-cheek jokes aside, the stereotypes are not accurate, the politicians claiming video-games are pornographic and violent are idiots incapable of recognizing art, and anyone so dense to claim that a Gamer is less-cool, or more-geeky, better soak up their time being the cool ones now; because down the road the top-notch jobs in your country will be filled with the "geeks" you used to pick on.

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